Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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