Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
