She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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