Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize