Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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