so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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