We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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