As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
