she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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