look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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