Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
