your thong is hanging out like whoa
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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