why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
