Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
