tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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