What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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