Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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