He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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