I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
