my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
