Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dick very happy bro
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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