youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
