By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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