Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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