Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
