i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
