Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
