i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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