do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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