literally had 100 drinks last night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
