Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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