Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
