Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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