Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
