Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
