she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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