haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
