At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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