We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
