wakey wakey hands off snakey
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
