I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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