Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
