I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.