Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did I show you my penis last night?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
