I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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