That's when you crack a 10am beer
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
