ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
