either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
