Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
