so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
