he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
