Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
