You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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