I got chris browned last night
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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