don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
