I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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