You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
