um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
