True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
