so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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