Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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