Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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