just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was born a porn star she said
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
