my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you win again, gameday.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
