So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sext me about skeletons
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
