I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
