Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
