it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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