and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
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So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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