i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
