what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
