So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
