Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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