I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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