I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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