i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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