Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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