Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
