the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
