I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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