and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
