I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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