There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
