About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
